The Peace Maker

The relation between my parents deteriorated. It went very bad. I felt responsible for it. So I tried to bring peace, once again. Sure, I felt sad when I saw my father taking all his clothes from the shelves and leaving home. I felt angry against everything; my work, my boss, my financial situation, myself.
I love personal development material. Hopefully, I once studied the relationship between men and women. I remember some of the material from "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", a work from Dr. John Gray. That helped me a lot. I tried to apply what I've learned on my parents.
So I spoke to each of them individually. I lied to both of them. It was the solution.
Now, the tension has gone away. I'm happy that I managed to keep them together, even for a while. However, I'm still alert.
It was another lesson of patience, love and sacrifice.

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Shockwave

I heard it clear and loud. She is now his fiancée.
It was like a heavy weight on my shoulders. I felt a whole in the space and time. The words sounded loud and detached from the whole noise around. I forced a smile of surprise on my face, and hide a tear behind my eye.
I never imagined that she would be his. I never imagined that he would be her man. She used to be my inspiration.
I used to fantasize about her. I remember myself picturing her crossing the street.
I was planning to ask her for a serious relationship, but I was hesitating too much.
I was mistaken, again.
And the cost was expensive. I should have acted earlier. Obviously, another man won the lottery.
Those things will never be the same again. But first, I must recover from my wounds.

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Recording #1

I recorded my guitar sound while playing a Guns 'n Roses song. It's called "Ain't it Fun".
enjoy.
click here to download

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The Beginning of it

I had the objective of becoming CCNP years ago. I got that opportunity now, but with using "quick-fix" schemes.
Even if my co-workers are tempted, I won't follow that road. I investigated it enough. A friend told me to stand the ground. This guy has been contacted by Juniper Networks to work for them. Even if the "ordinary path" is a little expensive, the rewards are enormous.

I could imagine what a fake CCNP would look like. A "labeled" failure. However, I could imagine a true one. And the difference is huge in terms of status, industry respect and self-image.

So, I'm going to study for it, seriously. I'm going to invest my personal time. I need to concentrate better, to learn better and to read more every day. I need a better time management planning.
I need to re-wire my brain, to remake my neuro-associations so that learning and practicing become a pleasure.
And I'm consciously aware of the challenges that lie ahead.

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back to Hard Rock days

I bought a nice Ibanez guitar and a cool Marshall amp. I'm happy that I did what I promised myself to do. Now I've got to regain my skills and create a band later.

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Going Loud

I've been in a Metal concert last saturday. I really enjoyed the last part of it.

On my way back home, I was thinking about my past as a Lead Guitar. I was thinking about those sweet moments I lived. I used to play damn good on my red guitar. I remember those people that used to come watch us playing "Sad But True", "And Justice for All", " Fade to Black", "Trust", "Night Rain",... We didn't participate in any concert, and yet we began to attract people.

My journey with the guitar began when I was in high school. I used to hang out with some friends on Wednesday afternoons in school. We played guitar, we laughed, we exchanged guitar tips and tricks. We were boys and girls enjoying music, despite the hard studies.

I need a fulfilling passtime. I need to enjoy every single second of my spare time. I'm a relatively busy engineer, I admit it. But I can afford enough free time for myself.
I need to get away of routers and switches sometimes and do something completely different, get away from clients requests, get away, fly away into another world and balance my life. I want to drown myself into the moment.

Now that I'm employed (thank God), I think of getting back into the foreground. I'm thinking of regaining my guitar skills and forming a Heavy Metal band once again. But this time, it's going to be loud. And people will remember me.

I'd like to be a network engineer by day and a guitarist by night.

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Crazy PC

Today I discovered the craziest PC on earth. Its keyboard is very fast: one word per 30 sec! But I had to use it because it belongs to one of our clients.
I even took a video of the keyboard. The Caps Lock, the Numerical Lock and the Scroll Lock, all of them were blinking like hell. You need to press the right key before it blinks again.
In the middle of the job, I was laughing. At the end, I felt a headache.

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Behind the scene

Here's me, trying to follow the cabling of a rack. It belongs to a large bank. I won't tell its name here until I'm done with it.

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Big deal

Some time ago, I began to think about getting back to my company's HQ. I am grateful to God that I've been accepted to work as a "détaché" in a large bank in my country. However, that wouldn't mean a lot in reality anymore.

I now know almost 95% of the whole client internetwork. But there are no new technologies. There's a VOIP project coming in the way. I rather prefer improve my skills on Juniper products immediately than to wait for VOIP. I feel I'm getting rusty. I need new challenges, big ones, larger projects, more practice, more team work,...

Some co-workers told me that I've been recruited especially for that bank. I felt a little abused when I heard that. I'm not a backup tire. I value my career more than any company's needs. But I am sniper-like patient.

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1 photo, 100 Memories

It took only one-second glance at it to trigger a one-minute sequence of memories.
I built hopes around it in the past. I am building other ones in the present. I still have that vivid picture. It helps sometimes in my lonely moments.
May God help me.

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Goals

On my way home, I was thinking about it. He made it despite all.
I remember high school days. He told me that he'll marry her. She was his classmate and girlfriend. But she went to study in France. I told to myself "he'll meet other girls and marry another one, definitely". That was 8 years ago.

He kept his promise. He's in France, working and studying for PhD and today, I got an invitation to his wedding, from his father.

This is an amazing example about goal setting and goal achieving. A goal that is motivating, one that keeps us working hard, persevering, and keeping faith in ourselves.

Maybe it's time to wipe the dust off my dreams.

God Bless you my friend.

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Girls that want girls

We call them Lezbians. I don't know where that word comes from.
I've been thinking about this subject. Here's my theory. It's local, not universal because every country has its culture.
Most of lezbians are gorgeous. They are more exposed to flirting that ordinary girls. So they get higher and higher self esteem. But they are still human and need "male" affection. What can they do? A lezbian can have fun times with her lez partners. In the same time, she can keep her virginity.
When a lezbian gets older and faces pressure from her family and environment, she thinks about marriage. She wants to have babies. She needs a "fertilizer". She stops all her foolish activities and tries to attract the richest guy that introduces himself to her family. By rich I mean he has a car, a house and a nice job. Poor guy.
I hope that my theory is wrong despite it's logical.

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Human Network

Respect your co-workers and watch your mouth. That's a golden rule in professional environments, especially for juniors.

One of my co-workers criticized another one. He was complaining about him. As we were driving back home, I was thinking about watching more and more what comes out of my mouth.

Never complain, never explain. As a matter of fact, that guy was led off by the company. It's true that Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world.

On the other side, I believe that continuous social networking (I mean the positive one) is a way to succeed in life.
I know quite a lot of people in my professional environment. However, I know less people in my "entertainment" environment. I blame nobody but me. I didn't establish solid relationships during my school years. I was submerged by studies. I may exagerate a little, but I believe it's the price to pay to be successful in something.

There's no such thing as Money for Nothing. Life is full of sacrifice. Study your options well and be willing to give with a smiling heart.

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my ennemy

Who is your ennemy? Everybody had some time ago an ennemy. As for me, I am sometimes my own ennemy.

Does it sound strange? think about it. You do something bad to yourself. But you enjoy it. You feel a temptation that might harm you. But you enjoy it. You waste time. But you enjoy it. You listen to a sad song and you enjoy it. You feel angry, sad, bored. But deep within yourself you like it.
Aren't you your ennemy too?

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People come and people go

It has been a week since I began working full time at our client's site (a famous Bank). They are still preparing my desk, my computer, my access credentials.. Everything is under high security level here.
At the same time, the IT Security guy is leaving his bureau. He'll move to another agency.
I need some time to get comfortable with this.

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Am I optimist?

Long ago, I considered myself as a kind of pessimistic. But last saturday I prouved the opposite.
The company I work for rarely does trainings for its staff. If I need a training, I must do it to myself. I must be my own teacher. It's an opportunity to demonstrate one's abilities to overcome obstacles and win people's respect. All that I need is patience and discipline.
Am I optimist?

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English, french and arabic

My native language is arabic, my second language is french.
I chose to write in english as a challenge. If you understand what I'm writing, then I won.

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