Feeling stuck

I'm fed up. I feel pain. This is not for me.

- "what's his job?"

-" he's an engineer at Renault. He needs a credit to build a home. Is it possible?"

-" yes sure"

-" his father delayed his travel due to bad weather. Do you recruit here?"

-" yes. He should go through three interviews. We recruit the elite of the elite, don't we?" (talking to me).

I stood silent, sweat on my forehead,

Engineer at Renault...I'm an engineer too, plugging an RJ-45 cable...

-"I sat for the CAPES on monday."

-" Have you considered continuing your studies and teaching?"

-" Have you thought about studying abroad?"

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Asking good questions

Sometimes it seems that things don't go as expected. Sometimes I think I made mistakes or I did bad calculations. But what if I was asking myself wrong questions? What if I say to myself :

- what do I really want, if I knew it was achievable?

- what can I do, to enjoy my time more?

- what are the things I'm grateful to Allah for right now?

- How can I improve my lifestyle, my health and my relationships?

- what if I was in the right relationship with the right girl, and I wasn't noticing it?

- what if all this is part of my experience?

- what if all the things around me happen for a reason?

- what if I could achieve anything I want in life and I wasn't aware of my potential?

- what if I had the potential to surpass all the people I knew in my life?

What if?

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Against The Wind - Stratovarius

Once again I try to make things work
facing all the power of society
Searching all the answers of the life
Ill never make it on my own

Was I meant to fail everytime
Seems to me thats my destiny
Is this all that's left to me
Confusion and bad memories

But now my time has come
No more running in the dark
I want much more than this
I really want it all

Against the wind we run
to every place under the sun
We've got so much power inside
We will never give up
Against the wind we go
towards the new shore
together we'll forget the sorrow
its forever gone

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Add this to the pile

I began learning NLP. I got a huge NLP video library. I'm enjoying this stuff. Besides, I resumed my SWITCH studies. It'll take a lot of work, a lot of study time, less sleep and lots of patience. I'm going to condition my mind every day to grasp any SWITCH topic and memorize it, and I'm sure my fresh NLP skills will help me.

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Posted in Random Thoughts

Value of knowledge

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Behind Michael Jackson Greatness

I found interesting articles here and here.

May Allah Bless you Michael, you rocked my childhood.

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A word from The Masters

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Here I come Again

It's time to get back on track. It's been months now.
I I've been involved in a large network deployment. I gave much time for people and now I'm giving more time for myself.

I was a loner crusin' with the wind
I wasn't lookin' when you pulled me in
I had to leave you like I always did
You knew damn well I'd come again - Damn Yankees

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A picture is worth a thousand words

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Back from Breakdown

Those programs I mentioned in the previous post are wonderful. The impact on the brain is real. For maximum effectiveness, I plug in my player whenever I sleep or nap. As a result, no more stress, no more 200MPH thinking.
I'm going to try "change your life in 7 days" by Paul McKenna. I read positive feedback about his products and about hypnosis in general.

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Posted in Random Thoughts

On the Edge of Breakdown

I noticed that my level of stress grew up these days. I often go to bed feeling mentally tired, powerless and more and more frustrated. Yesterday, I went to bed at 8pm, and my mom noticed my behavior that's getting worse every day.
I sometimes feel frustrated that I still haven't achieved my career goals, that I still haven't attracted my soul mate, that I still haven't found joy and freedom. Mom told me to be grateful for what I had. I am. But I lack patience. My brain thinks 200MPH, often in negative patterns. I have negative self talk going on in my head. It limits my abilities. When I think about my dreams or try to visualize them, frustration rushes into my blood and soon I feel depressed and sad.
Not any longer.
I tried Brain Power and Total Relaxation, both products made by Brain Sync. Immediately after listening to Brain Power, I felt a new level of energy and awareness. And while I'm writing these words, I'm listening to Total Relaxation track 1.
I wanted to experience its effectiveness, so I tried to imagine many negative thoughts while listening to the mp3.
Amazing. Even I condensed my negative thoughts, the impact is light. Instead of feeling pain in the chest, I felt a very light tingle!
I going to listen to the various Brain Sync products I have daily. I'll fill my mp3 player with them.
Let's see what changes are going to happen.

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Bad Coincidence?

I had lunch with a old classmate today. I hardly managed to be there on time, because I had to migrate some PCs from Wireless to wired Ethernet.
I thought she would be glad to see me. I thought, by the quality emails she sent to me and by the amount of time we had on the phone monthes ago, that we're on to something.
Well, she was cold today. She avoided looking into my eyes many times.
I know it's no big deal. We, men, tend to create "stories" around small things :-)
So I'll assume she had a bad day, or I came in a bad timing, or there's no real attraction between us.
"Attraction isn't a choice" - DeAngelo

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A new job and a new lifestyle

I got the new job. Now I'm the network administrator of an emerging bank. The infrastructure is pretty sophisticated. All network gear is Cisco and most security stuff is around Juniper. That's a robust combination.
I admit that I still don't master all the details of the new network infrastructure. I discover it bit by bit along the way. My boss and my team collegues are nice. Each day, we come back home around 8.30 at least; we learn a lot.
On another side, I feel a new lifestyle is established. The kind of guy who works all week, rarely checks his personal mailbox, cuts off 98% of his social life, considers time management more and more,... that's a change :-)
Despite the salary is less than I used to earn on my previous job, I feel that I'm learning each day a lot of stuff.
May Allah be with me.

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Does Hypnosis work?

I sat, put on the earphones and listened to the hypnosis track. After counting backward from 300 to 1 with concentration, I realized that:
I had an oustanding change in my voice,
my internal self talk dropped to almost 0,
I have more energy and desire to resume my goals,
I feel more positive,
I breathe more fully...
I'll stick to "Instant Confidence" by Paul McKenna during the upcoming week.

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Almost 28 Days Later

The CEO rejected my premature resignation. He had a very strong personality and self-confidence, I admit it. In my one-and-a-half year of working at SATEC, I only discussed with him twice.
In a second attempt to quit my job early, he refused.
One of my collegues was blaming me. Some may be making fun of me. He told me that I made big mistakes. I don't believe it. They are just mistakes, and I learned from them. At least, I'm courageous enough to get rejected twice despite what some people here may think. At least, I'm trying and growing.
So what now? my future employer told me that it's OK to wait for me until the 1st of March. Good news. Besides, I won't care for the future of this company anymore. Everyday I'll come here, have some chat, learn some Cisco stuff and leave. That'll be the schedule until the end of this month. They wanted it that way, they'll get it.
A good thing too is that all of the Support team are cool. I enjoy their presence a lot.

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Meeting the CEO

Tomorrow I'll have a meeting with our CEO about my resignation. It won't be easy because he's stubborn. Besides, my company could lose a contract because of it.
However, I can not stay any longer in the company. I see no focused professional growth for it, in my opinion. One day I work on Juniper gear, another one on very old WAN technology like ISDN. One day I went with a technician to dust off some client equipement. Is that a job for an engineer? It's stupid how the engineer is devalued here. We only get training when a contract is on the way. For example, I went to a Juniper training last summer. What did I do with it? nada.
I'd like to focus on Cisco technology. That's where the real networking industry is. The more focused skills I have, the higher in demand I'll be in the future. I prefer to be a routing/switching/voip guru than have a lot of fix-here-fix-there experience.
I'm going to prepare my speech this evening. In the worst or in the best, this week will be my last in the company.
We'll see what'll happen tomorrow.

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Posted in Random Thoughts

Awaken The Giant Within - NAC part 1

I'm using Tony Robbins' NAC technique to eradicate my negative beliefs. I began with the belief "change takes time". It's been three days since I began applying NAC to this belief.
I'm seeing changes, really. I now consistently study the final touches for BCMSN and manages my time more effectively.
The progress is not huge, but it's better than my past situation, where I used to stuck to non-value activites.
I'll keep on using the technologies from Tony Robbins.

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The Power of Beliefs is Real

I went to the mosque. " I need to take lunch rapidly and get back to the office, because Marouene needs me for something". It was closed. "What"?". Very strange. At this time doors must be open and muslims must be coming in groups. Where are they?

I looked around me. Nobody is bothered by my stupefaction. I looked at my watch again. 11:50am. I'm sure, it's time! Is there a problem with the mosque??

Then a memory flash of a conversation hit me

" -Sofiane, we need to hurry up, today is Friday and I need to be ready for the prayer.

- No Wassim, don't fool me :) it's Thursday, not Friday.

- Stop kidding me and let's continue. "

So it was Thursday ! Why did I thought it was Friday? It was so intense that undoublty thought it was Friday.

Waw. I realize now the power of beliefs. Imagine I have the same thoughts about myself, my skills, my selfconfidence. How my world would be?...

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Happy new year 2010

What's the difference? a year has gone, another year has come. If I keep doing the same mistakes, feeling the same, behaving the same, then I don't see what 2010 could be any better.

As I read my success journal at work on December 29 of 2009, I realized that I was a big dreamer and a better goal-oriented man on May 2008. It's obvious. One year has passed and little improvement occured. In 2009, I also see that my goals weakened. Instead of my 2008 dreams and goals, I set for more comfortable and less challenging ones. I took less and less action. I got comfortable with my situation. I got stuck in the daily routine and worrying each single night about my goals. I was also doubting my abilities and my dreams. There were a lot of questions in my head, as if somebody was whispering "you can't get that. Get realistic!".

What is "real"? How do you define "real"?, Morpheus said.

Is it what I see each day around me? Is it the people that have plenty of time for themselves and their beloved ones? Is it the men who enjoy the company of a beautiful wife? Is it the financially-independant guys who do what they love daily? Or is it a life of killing routine, of stress, of no challenges, of no personal fulfillment? When I thought about this, and compared it to myself and to my actions, I sometimes felt so depressed that I went to bed at 8pm, tears in my eyes.

I'm not being pessimistic here. Maybe I'm wrong in the eyes of some of you. The truth here is I'm fed up with explaining the facts with false truths. I'm fed up with mere hopes like many people. "I hope things will get better for me... I hope I'll be CCNP by the end of this year.."

So it's time to see the facts as they are. It's time to measure to which degree different areas of my life suck as I'm watching the movie and recognizing myself as the main protagonist.

May Allah make this year full of conscious and consistent life-improving actions for me and all of you.

Happy new year 2010.

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Posted in Random Thoughts